I’ve heard many people say over the years that they are working on an area of their life… and they fail miserably each day, but they’re growing. I always brushed that off… I never really got it. I have had to work through things in my life for sure… but I never felt like I failed so much, so often as I do here. God’s been teaching me patience, grace and flexibility this past month. I have been living in a spirit of selfishness… wanting to do what I want, my way, when I want to do it. But that’s not YWAM or living in a community. It’s a life of constant compromise and sacrifice. It’s about learning to respond with love, even when you’re so exhausted you don’t know what to do with yourself… or being graceful even when you don’t have an inch of patience left. As I said before, now I understand why people say they fail miserably everyday. I have a breakdown at some point each day… I snap, I pout, I become bitter. I get so angry at myself at the end of the day because once again, I didn’t show enough love, enough grace, I didn’t humble myself enough. But instead of beating myself up, I have been learning to lay it all down at God’s feet… asking Him for forgiveness and to fill me up with His love. God knows I’m trying, He knows I’m frustrated… that’s why He’s put me here… to stretch me. Although I may still be failing each day, I am striving to do better… I am surviving on God’s strength alone… and I know this period of my life is going to make me so much stronger, more loving and patient. I’m asking for God’s help with all of these and am positive that He’ll continue to work in me. I am excited that God is molding me more into His likeness… I want His love to shine through me… nothing else, just Jesus and His love. I mean, really… what’s better than that. One of my favorite passages of scripture is Philippians 2: 3-8, 14— “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but laid aside His privileges, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in the appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross…. Do all things without grumbling or disputing”
I’m still learning to do this each and every day, but God is so faithful… and I am excited that He’s working in my life… that He is helping me strive to be more like Him. He is the potter, I am the clay. Let God’s will be done in my life each and every moment of each and every day. I want each breath to be for Jesus… not for me.
Prayer Requests:
· For God to continue to teach me how to be more patient, loving
· For Me and my outreach co-leader, Ben, as we plan our outreach to China… that God will bless us with multiple ministries and contacts.
· For my outreach team, that they will each develop a heart for the Chinese people
· For this upcoming week: prayer week… 24/7 prayer… for God to work in huge ways…
· For finances to come in… airfare is due in 2 weeks!
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