God is Love

Since my DTS last year I’ve been craving deeper intimacy with God. I want it all the time. On my DTS I think the characteristic I really understood deeply was God’s faithfulness. He is so faithful. He’s always there. Always dependable, always loving, always has a plan. I saw his faithfulness everywhere… you can trace it thru my life. He has blessed me in so many ways.

For the past 7 months God has been teaching me a new part of his character. I have been so captivated by his love. During the January DTS I really began to understand more of the fatherheart of God. He loves us so much as his children. I’ve felt God’s heart break when a student says they don’t feel his love, or don’t want him. He loves us so much that we honestly can’t understand it… to understand his love would be too much for us to handle. It’s so incomprehensibly huge. As I see evidence of it all around, I am so blown away. What a blessing to have a God that loves us… who wants relationship with us more than anything else… we don’t have to strive for his love… he reaches out and gives freely. It’s hard to feel worthy of that kind of love. I know I’m not deserving of love from such a powerful God and creator, yet he wants to love me!!!! The more I understand this, the more I want to share it with anyone and everyone. God craves that relationship with each person! As I began to understand more of the fatherheart of God… I began to see my worth through his eyes. His is the only opinion that matters! As I look through the Bible… it’s easy to see what he thinks of me… to see his love. It’s so much more powerful than any other kind of love I’ve ever felt!

When I was traveling in East Asia, I was having a few really tough weeks. I was so discouraged. I know eventually I am to move to Asia, and the thought of going by myself was so scary. I want someone else there with me to encourage me and push me when I’m ready to quit… who I can verbally process everything with. I asked God to speak to me about this… to give me assurance or direction. He not only confirmed that I would be moving to Asia, but he also gave me something so much better than I could ever have imagined. For the next few days I saw God’s love for me in a whole new way. He was romancing me. As I went about my day, things would happen that brought so much joy to my heart. For example: we went to a university and there was a beautiful little overgrown courtyard tucked away but somehow I found it. It was something I’d seen in my dreams but this was real! Everyone else thought it was cool, but I literally started crying. It’s hard to explain exactly what it meant to me, but it showed me that God knows me better than anyone else ever could. He knows my hopes and dreams, and he will provide. It was such a tangible reality of his love. As we continued walking, there were many more things like that. It was honestly overwhelming. I realized that God has so much more to offer than anyone on this earth. He will always give me what I need, but He’ll also give me that joy. I know it may not make sense… writing it is so difficult to describe, but I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves me more than anyone on this earth ever could. Later on that day, we walked down this small path that was literally covered with my favorite flower, daphne. It was planted all around us and even draped over us like a canopy. It was beautiful, it smelled like heaven, and I knew once again that it was God. I picked a small bouquet of them and still have them pressed in my journal to this day. It’s such a beautiful picture of God’s love.

Now as I read 1 John, I love his words. Everything he says is dripping with love. He experienced God’s love! I feel like I have had that happy experience also. I could never explain it in words, but I pray that more people will seek that love. God gives it so freely and it is the most joy I’ve ever felt in my life.

Song of Songs has also captured my heart. It's a love message… “All beautiful you are my darling, there is no flaw in you.” God loves us so much that he looks past all of our flaws. His view of us is so much better than anything we could ever imagine!!!

I'm so in awe of His love, his grace, the hope he brings. His love endures forever.

Sunny days :)

Things are taking a turn for the better here at the Sunshine Coast... the clouds and the rain are less frequent and the skies are finally the most beautiful color of blue. As the winter fades away, my life is also becoming more sunny. It's been a long, cold few months. God has felt distant. I've felt tired and discouraged, but this is just another season in my life. I'm grateful for it because it makes sunny days like today so much more wonderful, so much more appreciated. God has taught me many things in the past few months. Not all of them have been fun lessons, but my relationship with him was definitely strengthened during this time. There were many days when life felt hopeless. All I could do was cry out to him... for encouragement, for reassurance of his love for me and his plan for my life. I wanted so badly to be home, to be in China, anywhere but Australia. But God is so good. He's given me awesome friends during this time to encourage me and keep me sane. I have learned so much being involved with the July DTS. I have taken all sorts of new roles such as managing the school budget and taking on the role of house leader. It's been so stretching. I think the biggest thing I've learned this winter is to be content in the in-between periods. I don't always get to travel and keep moving. There are times when I simply have to be still before God. To be with him in the highs and the lows.

As the spring comes, it brings hope. I have so many things to look forward to... SBS in September, possibly leading the Around the World DTS next year, then heading to China soon after to learn mandarin. It's going to be an insanely busy few years. I am so grateful for this time of rest and quiet with God. As things start to get busy again I don't ever want to forget to find that peace before God. I should never let my ministry or my life to get in the way of my time with God. I MUST be still before God.

I am so overwhelmed by the love and grace of my God. Of the hope he brings. All I want to do is be in his presence. He has blessed me so much here and to think that I have any excuse to be ungrateful is absolute rubbish. I truly feel as if my life here has become more established. I have made new friends, I feel ownership. Australia is home. :)

Praise God for all he's done. His love endures forever

Floating between schools

Sometimes I really hate the time between schools. As of right now, I'm trying my best to prepare for the School of Biblical Studies (SBS) which starts in Sept. It's going to be a very intensive training course as we'll read thru the Bible 5 times in 9 months. I'm excited, but also nervous. I don't feel like I'm a good enough student for this, but I know that God has called me to do it. I'm so excited to get to know God's word so much better! It's absolute truth. I'm so convinced that God wants each of us to dive deep into his word... I can't wait to know it better! I pray more than anything that this school won't be about knowledge tho... I want wisdom. I want a deeper relationship with my Lord. There's nothing better in life than Him.. than His love.

Currently I'm trying to find a job to help raise some extra money to support the SBS. I'm still helping with the July DTS but in a lower capacity. My biggest goal during this last month before the SBS is to spend time in God's presence.... to come in charging and refreshed. I also really want to help the DTS students discover their passions and callings before they head back home. I hope to be a resource for them... but that involves lots of reading and research myself. So... I'll be spending lots of time at starbucks reading... ha. such a rough life. But I'm so convinced that God has big plans for these students and I really want to help them so if it means reading the majority of the time... i'm ready to do it. Good prep for SBS anyway!

please be praying that this last month before SBS is refreshing and God works in and thru me. It's been tough being here this winter honestly. I've felt pretty discouraged and homesick. But God is so good. I believe He's preparing me for bigger trials in the future and I want to step up to the challenge. This can only be achieved by total dependence on God... something I still have much to learn about.

I know I kinda just rambled about a lot of things... there are so many things I've been learning that it's hard to consolidate them. As I get better at blogging regularly I think it should be easier to sort out these thoughts.

as for now, just pray. for the school, for a deeper friendship with God, for refreshment...

thanks for your prayers. :)

It's been WAY too long..

These past few months feel like they simply disappeared. There were many little things to do with the wrap up of the January DTS and preparation for things to come. For the past month I have been helping with the July DTS. It's been so different than the last DTS I staffed and I'm learning so many new things. It's definitely been a struggle at times... but I think it's been a lesson in dependence on God. Every day I've had to cry out for more of Him and less of me. Every day I've had to seek my strength in Him. Even though He was answering those prayers, I also felt like He had something different planned for me for this time. 2 Nights ago, He gave me a clear picture of His heart... why I'm here, and what to do about it. My passion working with DTS is to release transformational leaders... each student should leave knowing the passions God has given them or at least be confident that He'll reveal it in His time. After all, DTS isn't just a 5 month experience. It's a character school. It's a lifestyle change. Now I'll be taking a step back from some of the logistical aspects of DTS... such as lectures and attending all the events. Instead I will be studying up on different things the students might be passionate about. I want to be a resource for them. If they're interested in India, I want to be able to give them books to read, people to connect with, ministries to get involved with, that will get them more excited... that will stir up that passion inside them.

When I came to DTS I was a blank page. I wanted God to speak to me and to move me. God is so faithful. He gave me such a huge passion for East Asia... a part of the world I'd had no desire to go to... but now I KNOW that it's a passion from God, because I've never felt such a deep love for something... and 2 years ago I had absolutely no plans of ever visiting this country! God is such a awesome God! I can't help but praise Him when I think of all of the provision and blessing He's given me over all these years, but particularly in YWAM. I love my life here.

I want the students to see this side of God! To embrace the passions to further His kingdom that He's given each one of them. Please be praying for me in this time as I'll be meeting with each of the students in smaller groups or individually to discuss their interests and passions and as I research more materials for the students. I'm SO excited to see how God uses this time. I can't stop praising God!

Pray for the students that they'll embrace the great plans that God has for each of them!

Home in Australia :)

Sometimes it's difficult to be on the other side of the world from family and dear friends. There are so many amazing stories of things that have happened in the past 5 months that I don't even know where to start.

I'll catch up writing some stories about outreach later, but for now, I need to settle into Australia. That is one of the biggest things God is teaching me. It's not always about moving around... it's learning to stay put and build a life in this new country. And a lot of the time it's really difficult... missing the comfort of home. The family, the friends, the food, the coffee, the right side of the road... as the DTS came to an end and everyone started talking about returning home, I was definitely jealous. It's easy to fall into "the grass is greener" mentality. For a few days I wallowed in self-pity and home-sickness, missing my family and friends terribly. But I quickly realized that this is going to be the toughest time of my transition into Australia. I have to just rest and wait for the next school to start. I have to make friends and get more plugged in here. So that's what I'll be doing... spending this time being refreshed by God as well as getting more connected to my local church and the base. I'm hoping this time will be a time of true growth. The last thing I want is to just sit around. I'm excited to have hours each day to devote to God alone. Nothing else. I want my relationship with Him to become so much deeper during this time. I can't get enough of His perfect love.

Surrendering Self...

I’ve heard many people say over the years that they are working on an area of their life… and they fail miserably each day, but they’re growing. I always brushed that off… I never really got it. I have had to work through things in my life for sure… but I never felt like I failed so much, so often as I do here. God’s been teaching me patience, grace and flexibility this past month. I have been living in a spirit of selfishness… wanting to do what I want, my way, when I want to do it. But that’s not YWAM or living in a community. It’s a life of constant compromise and sacrifice. It’s about learning to respond with love, even when you’re so exhausted you don’t know what to do with yourself… or being graceful even when you don’t have an inch of patience left. As I said before, now I understand why people say they fail miserably everyday. I have a breakdown at some point each day… I snap, I pout, I become bitter. I get so angry at myself at the end of the day because once again, I didn’t show enough love, enough grace, I didn’t humble myself enough. But instead of beating myself up, I have been learning to lay it all down at God’s feet… asking Him for forgiveness and to fill me up with His love. God knows I’m trying, He knows I’m frustrated… that’s why He’s put me here… to stretch me. Although I may still be failing each day, I am striving to do better… I am surviving on God’s strength alone… and I know this period of my life is going to make me so much stronger, more loving and patient. I’m asking for God’s help with all of these and am positive that He’ll continue to work in me. I am excited that God is molding me more into His likeness… I want His love to shine through me… nothing else, just Jesus and His love. I mean, really… what’s better than that. One of my favorite passages of scripture is Philippians 2: 3-8, 14— “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but laid aside His privileges, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in the appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross…. Do all things without grumbling or disputing”

I’m still learning to do this each and every day, but God is so faithful… and I am excited that He’s working in my life… that He is helping me strive to be more like Him. He is the potter, I am the clay. Let God’s will be done in my life each and every moment of each and every day. I want each breath to be for Jesus… not for me.

Prayer Requests:

· For God to continue to teach me how to be more patient, loving

· For Me and my outreach co-leader, Ben, as we plan our outreach to China… that God will bless us with multiple ministries and contacts.

· For my outreach team, that they will each develop a heart for the Chinese people

· For this upcoming week: prayer week… 24/7 prayer… for God to work in huge ways…

· For finances to come in… airfare is due in 2 weeks!

Hudson Taylor

In preparation for China I have been reading as many books about China and missionaries as I can get my hands on. I've read two different accounts of the life of Hudson Taylor and it's truly inspired me. Hudson Taylor had such amazing faith and focus. God gave Him a real passion for China... and such an amazing faith in God's provision... it has really given me the courage to step out and trust in God more than ever. Some of his accounts of God's provision in his life have really encouraged me that I should never ever doubt God... He has awesome plans for me and will provide each step of the way. I never need to be worried about it. I have heard this for years, but now I'm really living it... and challenged to take it to a new extreme... I have been learning to be generous even with my limited resources... after all, it's God's money not mine. Matthew 6 talks about how the lilies of the field don't worry about what they wear... and they are more perfectly dressed than King Soloman! What am I worried about? Why am I worried? I must put all my faith in Him and He will bless me!!!

Here are a few of the awesome Hudson Taylor quotes that really challenged me... If you haven't read the story of his life, I'd highly encourage it... His stories are amazing!

• "As I put myself, my life, my friends, my all upon the altar, the deep solemnity that come over my soul with the assurance that my offering was accepted. The presence of God became unutterably real and blessed, and I remember, stretching myself on the ground and lying there before Him with unspeakable awe and unspeakable joy. For what service I was accepted I knew not, but a deep consciousness that I was not my own took possession of me which has never since been effaced."
• "I had more than 2/3 of my income available for other purposes, and my experience was that the less I spent on myself and the more I gave to others the fuller of happiness and blessing did my soul become."
• "Now I am happy in my Saviour's love. I can thank Him for all, even the most painful experiences of the past, and trust Him without fear for all that is to come."
• "Unspeakable joy all day long and every day, was my happy experience. God, even my God, was a living bright reality, and all I had to do was joyful service."
• "12 million--a number so great that it is impossible to realize it-yes, 12 million souls in China, every year, passing without God and without hope, into eternity... Oh let us look with compassion on this multitude! God has been merciful to us; let us be like Him."
• "Would you not give up all for Jesus who died for you?"
• "To contemplate going out to China far from all human aid, there to depend upon the living God alone for protection, supplies of every kind, I felt that one's spiritual muscles required strengthening for such an undertaking. There was no doubt that if faith did not fail, God would not fail."
• "I shall have no claim on anyone for anything. My only claim will be on God. How important to learn to move man, through God, by prayer alone."
• "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee... may he keep me ever thus, simply depending on Him for every blessing, temporal as well as spiritual"
• "I know He tries me only to increase my faith, ant that it is all in love. Well, if He is glorified, I am content."
• "One who is really leaning on the Beloved finds it always possible to say 'I will fear no evil, for thou art with me.' But I am so apt, like Peter, to take my eyes off the One to be trusted and look at the winds and the waves... oh for more stability! The reading of the Word and the meditation on the promises have been increasingly precious to me of late."
• "I have made it (finding a house) a matter of prayer, and have given it entirely into the Lord's hands, and now I feel quite at peace about it. He will provide and be my guide in this and every other perplexing step"

Amen.