Surrendering Self...

I’ve heard many people say over the years that they are working on an area of their life… and they fail miserably each day, but they’re growing. I always brushed that off… I never really got it. I have had to work through things in my life for sure… but I never felt like I failed so much, so often as I do here. God’s been teaching me patience, grace and flexibility this past month. I have been living in a spirit of selfishness… wanting to do what I want, my way, when I want to do it. But that’s not YWAM or living in a community. It’s a life of constant compromise and sacrifice. It’s about learning to respond with love, even when you’re so exhausted you don’t know what to do with yourself… or being graceful even when you don’t have an inch of patience left. As I said before, now I understand why people say they fail miserably everyday. I have a breakdown at some point each day… I snap, I pout, I become bitter. I get so angry at myself at the end of the day because once again, I didn’t show enough love, enough grace, I didn’t humble myself enough. But instead of beating myself up, I have been learning to lay it all down at God’s feet… asking Him for forgiveness and to fill me up with His love. God knows I’m trying, He knows I’m frustrated… that’s why He’s put me here… to stretch me. Although I may still be failing each day, I am striving to do better… I am surviving on God’s strength alone… and I know this period of my life is going to make me so much stronger, more loving and patient. I’m asking for God’s help with all of these and am positive that He’ll continue to work in me. I am excited that God is molding me more into His likeness… I want His love to shine through me… nothing else, just Jesus and His love. I mean, really… what’s better than that. One of my favorite passages of scripture is Philippians 2: 3-8, 14— “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but laid aside His privileges, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in the appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross…. Do all things without grumbling or disputing”

I’m still learning to do this each and every day, but God is so faithful… and I am excited that He’s working in my life… that He is helping me strive to be more like Him. He is the potter, I am the clay. Let God’s will be done in my life each and every moment of each and every day. I want each breath to be for Jesus… not for me.

Prayer Requests:

· For God to continue to teach me how to be more patient, loving

· For Me and my outreach co-leader, Ben, as we plan our outreach to China… that God will bless us with multiple ministries and contacts.

· For my outreach team, that they will each develop a heart for the Chinese people

· For this upcoming week: prayer week… 24/7 prayer… for God to work in huge ways…

· For finances to come in… airfare is due in 2 weeks!

Hudson Taylor

In preparation for China I have been reading as many books about China and missionaries as I can get my hands on. I've read two different accounts of the life of Hudson Taylor and it's truly inspired me. Hudson Taylor had such amazing faith and focus. God gave Him a real passion for China... and such an amazing faith in God's provision... it has really given me the courage to step out and trust in God more than ever. Some of his accounts of God's provision in his life have really encouraged me that I should never ever doubt God... He has awesome plans for me and will provide each step of the way. I never need to be worried about it. I have heard this for years, but now I'm really living it... and challenged to take it to a new extreme... I have been learning to be generous even with my limited resources... after all, it's God's money not mine. Matthew 6 talks about how the lilies of the field don't worry about what they wear... and they are more perfectly dressed than King Soloman! What am I worried about? Why am I worried? I must put all my faith in Him and He will bless me!!!

Here are a few of the awesome Hudson Taylor quotes that really challenged me... If you haven't read the story of his life, I'd highly encourage it... His stories are amazing!

• "As I put myself, my life, my friends, my all upon the altar, the deep solemnity that come over my soul with the assurance that my offering was accepted. The presence of God became unutterably real and blessed, and I remember, stretching myself on the ground and lying there before Him with unspeakable awe and unspeakable joy. For what service I was accepted I knew not, but a deep consciousness that I was not my own took possession of me which has never since been effaced."
• "I had more than 2/3 of my income available for other purposes, and my experience was that the less I spent on myself and the more I gave to others the fuller of happiness and blessing did my soul become."
• "Now I am happy in my Saviour's love. I can thank Him for all, even the most painful experiences of the past, and trust Him without fear for all that is to come."
• "Unspeakable joy all day long and every day, was my happy experience. God, even my God, was a living bright reality, and all I had to do was joyful service."
• "12 million--a number so great that it is impossible to realize it-yes, 12 million souls in China, every year, passing without God and without hope, into eternity... Oh let us look with compassion on this multitude! God has been merciful to us; let us be like Him."
• "Would you not give up all for Jesus who died for you?"
• "To contemplate going out to China far from all human aid, there to depend upon the living God alone for protection, supplies of every kind, I felt that one's spiritual muscles required strengthening for such an undertaking. There was no doubt that if faith did not fail, God would not fail."
• "I shall have no claim on anyone for anything. My only claim will be on God. How important to learn to move man, through God, by prayer alone."
• "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee... may he keep me ever thus, simply depending on Him for every blessing, temporal as well as spiritual"
• "I know He tries me only to increase my faith, ant that it is all in love. Well, if He is glorified, I am content."
• "One who is really leaning on the Beloved finds it always possible to say 'I will fear no evil, for thou art with me.' But I am so apt, like Peter, to take my eyes off the One to be trusted and look at the winds and the waves... oh for more stability! The reading of the Word and the meditation on the promises have been increasingly precious to me of late."
• "I have made it (finding a house) a matter of prayer, and have given it entirely into the Lord's hands, and now I feel quite at peace about it. He will provide and be my guide in this and every other perplexing step"

Amen.

Evangelism

Evangelism. What do you think of? I used to think of street preaching, of shoving my beliefs down someone else’s throat, annoying people who didn’t want to hear it. It used to really scare me. It’s something I’ve definitely been learning in the past year. It still does sometimes, but it is so awesome! I think what I like about it the most is all I have to do is share what God’s done in my life… to share his love… to listen to other people’s stories and beliefs.

Last May, when I was in Byron Bay, I was terrified of evangelism. I didn’t even agree with it. I thought of all the encounters I’ve had with crazy street preachers and the bad taste it had left in my mouth. How can that spread Christ’s love? Last year when I went to Nimbin, the drug capital of Australia, for evangelism day I refused to talk to anyone. I was afraid of getting questions to which I didn’t know the answers. I was afraid of these people who have had many spiritual experiences and encounters. I wasn’t about to tell them that they had to believe what I believed. Going back to Nimbin yesterday made me realize how much I’d changed, how much God has moved in my life, my perspective had completely shifted. I am so much more solid in my faith now. I am confident about the Lord of my life. I no longer worry about inconveniencing people, because I want to share God’s love with them.. I want everyone to experience the love and freedom that I have received from God. I used to be a relativist… thinking each person had their own beliefs and that was cool, but that’s not good enough anymore. I know that Jesus is real. I’ve seen evidence of that in my life… I’ve seen miracles, healings, I’ve heard His voice, I’ve felt unspeakable joy and peace that could only be from Him… I know with every inch of my being He is real. Many people would say that that’s great… that they’re glad I’m happy with my beliefs but that they’ve found their own way. I still don’t want to push people, I’m not going to force anything, after all, God has given each of us free will… if people aren’t ready to accept His love, that is completely within their rights. But I know that what I believe is TRUTH. In the Bible, Jesus says “I am the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the father except through me.”—John 14:6. All I can do is share what I’ve found and let the Holy Spirit take care of the rest. I’m not trying to make converts, I’m merely a vessel for the Holy Spirit to talk through me… it’s His responsibility to move through and convict people. All I can do is pray and seek his will for me.. for what he wants me to share each day. I need to listen to people’s hearts and pray for the Holy Spirit to give me the words to get through to people, for them to feel God’s love and heart clearly.

Yesterday in Nimbin was so encouraging… all I want to do is have conversations with people…. I have an obligation to share what God’s done in my life. I have been freed! I can’t contain my enthusiasm, my excitement of my love for Christ. In Matthew God commands us to go out and preach the gospel. It’s not scary anymore. I shouldn’t be sorry for what I’m sharing, for wanting to talk to people about this. Jesus is the best thing that ever happened to me, I should want to tell every single person about it! Sharing excitement is natural… when someone gets a job, a sweet new car, good grades, whatever it may be, they are excited! They want to share and celebrate it. This is the same… but the excitement never really fades. God is always with me. You can never finish growing or experiencing his love in new ways. There is a refreshment and new excitement in relationship with God every single day! I can’t share enough! I want every single person to experience God’s love, joy, mercy, forgiveness!! As long as I’m alive, I want to share this love… I don’t want to keep this love for myself! How can I? If I love people at all, I will share it! If I’m rejected, I can still rest in His love. I know He’ll bless me for sharing… for stepping out of my fear of man. Hello evangelism… thank you Lord for giving me a heart for sharing your name!