God is Love

Since my DTS last year I’ve been craving deeper intimacy with God. I want it all the time. On my DTS I think the characteristic I really understood deeply was God’s faithfulness. He is so faithful. He’s always there. Always dependable, always loving, always has a plan. I saw his faithfulness everywhere… you can trace it thru my life. He has blessed me in so many ways.

For the past 7 months God has been teaching me a new part of his character. I have been so captivated by his love. During the January DTS I really began to understand more of the fatherheart of God. He loves us so much as his children. I’ve felt God’s heart break when a student says they don’t feel his love, or don’t want him. He loves us so much that we honestly can’t understand it… to understand his love would be too much for us to handle. It’s so incomprehensibly huge. As I see evidence of it all around, I am so blown away. What a blessing to have a God that loves us… who wants relationship with us more than anything else… we don’t have to strive for his love… he reaches out and gives freely. It’s hard to feel worthy of that kind of love. I know I’m not deserving of love from such a powerful God and creator, yet he wants to love me!!!! The more I understand this, the more I want to share it with anyone and everyone. God craves that relationship with each person! As I began to understand more of the fatherheart of God… I began to see my worth through his eyes. His is the only opinion that matters! As I look through the Bible… it’s easy to see what he thinks of me… to see his love. It’s so much more powerful than any other kind of love I’ve ever felt!

When I was traveling in East Asia, I was having a few really tough weeks. I was so discouraged. I know eventually I am to move to Asia, and the thought of going by myself was so scary. I want someone else there with me to encourage me and push me when I’m ready to quit… who I can verbally process everything with. I asked God to speak to me about this… to give me assurance or direction. He not only confirmed that I would be moving to Asia, but he also gave me something so much better than I could ever have imagined. For the next few days I saw God’s love for me in a whole new way. He was romancing me. As I went about my day, things would happen that brought so much joy to my heart. For example: we went to a university and there was a beautiful little overgrown courtyard tucked away but somehow I found it. It was something I’d seen in my dreams but this was real! Everyone else thought it was cool, but I literally started crying. It’s hard to explain exactly what it meant to me, but it showed me that God knows me better than anyone else ever could. He knows my hopes and dreams, and he will provide. It was such a tangible reality of his love. As we continued walking, there were many more things like that. It was honestly overwhelming. I realized that God has so much more to offer than anyone on this earth. He will always give me what I need, but He’ll also give me that joy. I know it may not make sense… writing it is so difficult to describe, but I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves me more than anyone on this earth ever could. Later on that day, we walked down this small path that was literally covered with my favorite flower, daphne. It was planted all around us and even draped over us like a canopy. It was beautiful, it smelled like heaven, and I knew once again that it was God. I picked a small bouquet of them and still have them pressed in my journal to this day. It’s such a beautiful picture of God’s love.

Now as I read 1 John, I love his words. Everything he says is dripping with love. He experienced God’s love! I feel like I have had that happy experience also. I could never explain it in words, but I pray that more people will seek that love. God gives it so freely and it is the most joy I’ve ever felt in my life.

Song of Songs has also captured my heart. It's a love message… “All beautiful you are my darling, there is no flaw in you.” God loves us so much that he looks past all of our flaws. His view of us is so much better than anything we could ever imagine!!!

I'm so in awe of His love, his grace, the hope he brings. His love endures forever.

Sunny days :)

Things are taking a turn for the better here at the Sunshine Coast... the clouds and the rain are less frequent and the skies are finally the most beautiful color of blue. As the winter fades away, my life is also becoming more sunny. It's been a long, cold few months. God has felt distant. I've felt tired and discouraged, but this is just another season in my life. I'm grateful for it because it makes sunny days like today so much more wonderful, so much more appreciated. God has taught me many things in the past few months. Not all of them have been fun lessons, but my relationship with him was definitely strengthened during this time. There were many days when life felt hopeless. All I could do was cry out to him... for encouragement, for reassurance of his love for me and his plan for my life. I wanted so badly to be home, to be in China, anywhere but Australia. But God is so good. He's given me awesome friends during this time to encourage me and keep me sane. I have learned so much being involved with the July DTS. I have taken all sorts of new roles such as managing the school budget and taking on the role of house leader. It's been so stretching. I think the biggest thing I've learned this winter is to be content in the in-between periods. I don't always get to travel and keep moving. There are times when I simply have to be still before God. To be with him in the highs and the lows.

As the spring comes, it brings hope. I have so many things to look forward to... SBS in September, possibly leading the Around the World DTS next year, then heading to China soon after to learn mandarin. It's going to be an insanely busy few years. I am so grateful for this time of rest and quiet with God. As things start to get busy again I don't ever want to forget to find that peace before God. I should never let my ministry or my life to get in the way of my time with God. I MUST be still before God.

I am so overwhelmed by the love and grace of my God. Of the hope he brings. All I want to do is be in his presence. He has blessed me so much here and to think that I have any excuse to be ungrateful is absolute rubbish. I truly feel as if my life here has become more established. I have made new friends, I feel ownership. Australia is home. :)

Praise God for all he's done. His love endures forever

Floating between schools

Sometimes I really hate the time between schools. As of right now, I'm trying my best to prepare for the School of Biblical Studies (SBS) which starts in Sept. It's going to be a very intensive training course as we'll read thru the Bible 5 times in 9 months. I'm excited, but also nervous. I don't feel like I'm a good enough student for this, but I know that God has called me to do it. I'm so excited to get to know God's word so much better! It's absolute truth. I'm so convinced that God wants each of us to dive deep into his word... I can't wait to know it better! I pray more than anything that this school won't be about knowledge tho... I want wisdom. I want a deeper relationship with my Lord. There's nothing better in life than Him.. than His love.

Currently I'm trying to find a job to help raise some extra money to support the SBS. I'm still helping with the July DTS but in a lower capacity. My biggest goal during this last month before the SBS is to spend time in God's presence.... to come in charging and refreshed. I also really want to help the DTS students discover their passions and callings before they head back home. I hope to be a resource for them... but that involves lots of reading and research myself. So... I'll be spending lots of time at starbucks reading... ha. such a rough life. But I'm so convinced that God has big plans for these students and I really want to help them so if it means reading the majority of the time... i'm ready to do it. Good prep for SBS anyway!

please be praying that this last month before SBS is refreshing and God works in and thru me. It's been tough being here this winter honestly. I've felt pretty discouraged and homesick. But God is so good. I believe He's preparing me for bigger trials in the future and I want to step up to the challenge. This can only be achieved by total dependence on God... something I still have much to learn about.

I know I kinda just rambled about a lot of things... there are so many things I've been learning that it's hard to consolidate them. As I get better at blogging regularly I think it should be easier to sort out these thoughts.

as for now, just pray. for the school, for a deeper friendship with God, for refreshment...

thanks for your prayers. :)